Save Me (Humanstuck GamKar AU)

        Karkat hasn't seen his best friend in a month. After that raging break down Gamzee had when the two of them were hanging out with their group of friends, he hasn't left his apartment. Which may be normal, since Gamzee is trying to quit drugs and like every other addiction, it's not easy. Seems like he isn't taking it to well.

                        However, Gamzee not leaving his apartment for a month is pretty suspicious. Usually he'll come over to Karkat's house every Saturday morning for breakfast, since they both would much rather not start their weekend all by themselves. (they also both live right next to each other in the same building). So naturally, Karkat is starting to worry about how Gamzee's doing.
                        Karkat's also heard Gamzee throwing and smashing things sometimes. He didn't want to go see Gamzee at first since you have no idea if he'll rage out at you or even hurt you, so you let him be.

                        Though for the past two weeks, Karkat hasn't heard barely anything from his apartment. It seemed Gamzee had calmed down, yet still wasn't leaving his home.

                        Karkat started to get real worried. What if Gamzee hurt himself? From the way he was trying to control his craving for marijuana causing him to rage, who knows what he could've done to himself?

                        Karkat decides to see what's happening. He stands in front of his door and starts knocking- no, more like banging repeatably.

                        "Gamzee, the fuck you've been doing in their for a damn month without leaving?! Open up!" Karkat yells, not caring if his neighbours will get irritated.

                        He's honestly very nervous about his juggalo friend and doesn't want him to be hurt or anything. The two of them have been friends ever since their early teens, and even though they barely have any of the same interests and Karkat can barely tolerate Gamzee, they were very close friends.

                        When no one answers the door, he continues banging for another two minutes.

                        "Open the God damn door!" Karkat yells again, impatient and scared.

                        He tries opening the door instead. He should've known, Gamzee rarely ever locks his door.

                        Karkat opens it and lets himself in.

                        "Gamze- Oh my fucking God." Karkat's voice suddenly drops in shock.

                        Gamzee's place is a complete, disgusting mess. Garbage all over the floors, raw food, broken plates, and some garbage bags in the corner. Never in his life has Karkat seen anything messier besides probably the houses they show on the show Hoarders. Gamzee never keeps his place messy, even though he used to be a stoner (which stereotypically they never had a care for anything), he always had his place tidy and neat. Karkat never saw Gamzee's place messy until now.

                        "Oh God, Gamzee, where the hell are you?" Karkat demands firmly, attempting to walk in the messy hall way leading to Gamzee's living room.

                        He suddenly heard the sound of someone crying coming from the kitchen. The crying does sound like Gamzee, so Karkat slowly, making sure he doesn't trip over the junk, walks into the kitchen.

                        There he is, sitting right beside the balcony window with his arms wrapped around his legs and his face hidden in between his knees is Gamzee. God, seeing him crying is so...unusual. He's always so happy and never cried, at least not in front of Karkat. Knowing that that man sitting in the corner of the room, sobbing his eyes out and appears to have given up on himself is your best friend crashed your heart to pieces.

                        "Jesus Christ, Gamzee, what the fuck happened to you?! Look at you, you're a fucking disaster! I haven't seen you leave your place in a damn month, why the fuck would you--"

                        "I fucked up, man." Gamzee interrupts. He forces himself to stop crying so he can properly speak.
                       
                        Like his apartment, Gamzee also looks like a mess. His hair is all tangled and dirty, he seems to not have showered in weeks since he smells horrible, and his eyes have dark bags underneath,so dark they can be seen from underneath his clown makeup.

                        Without looking, his rant begins.

                        "I motherfucking fucked up big time, Karkat.
                        "Look what I motherfucking let myself go through. At first it was all motherfucking good, them drugs didn't bother me all that much. But I was high all the motherfucking time. I wasn't who I motherfucking really was at all, not even fucking close. Not even now. I'm a motherfucking messed up shitty bitch who's got their life all motherfucking messed up and shit."

                        "Gamzee...-"

                        "I can't even look in the motherfucking mirror without thinking 'this ain't me, this ain't the shit head I wanna be'. The motherfucker I see in the mirror these days is a pathetic, crazy, dangerous monster. I can't even handle being sober for a motherfucking hour without losing my shit! Those drugs fucked me up bad, man. I can't even live without them, I'm motherfucking craving them twenty four/seven even though they motherfucking ruined me. I'm going nuts, man. I can't even live properly; I can't eat, I can't clean, I can't even leave my motherfucking house since I'll be too tempted to get that motherfucking shit. I'm a fucked up dick who can't even handle himself. I motherfucking hate living like this, I just wanna have a motherfucking normal life. Like you got, Karkat. And Tav, Sollux, Terezi, all them motherfuckers. Y'all seem to have your shit together while I'm just here, wasting my life."

                        Gamzee breaks into tears again, now sobbing uncontrollably.

                        "What, why didn't you just asked any of us for help? Or even me, I live right fucking next to you." Karkat asks, sounding a bit too harsh. Though he can't help it, he even feels like he's about to cry.

                        "Y'all don't motherfucking care." Gamzee says as he cries.

                        "No,we-"

                        "Please don't motherfucking lie to me! Y'all don't give a shit what happens to me. No one ever did. My parents hated me, everyone always seemed to not give a shit about me, ever."

                        "Gamzee, you got it all wrong..."

                        "I'm a worthless piece of motherfucking shit and everyone can agree with me on that." Gamzee states. It's strange seeing him showing his insecurity, he always seemed to be so confident in himself. Though he WAS high all the time, so the Gamzee you know isn't the Gamzee that's been hidden all along.

                        Karkat couldn't take it, and normally he doesn't like expressing his feelings thanks for it being hard for him, but now he has to.

                        "Gamzee, I care." admits Karkat, trying to look at Gamzee, though that just makes it harder for him to admit it.
                        "You're lying."
                        "I'm not! Look, man, we've been best friends since like, fucking middle school. That was ten damn years ago! If I didn't care about you I wouldn't have even considered checking up on you. I'll help you through this insecure 'I hate myself' problem, which I know is tough since I hate myself with a burning God damned passion. But still, I'll help you get off your dumb drug addiction because you're my friend. My best friend to be exact. I care about you."

                        Gamzee stared at Karkat in shock. It's very rare for Karkat to admit his feelings like that, so he must be telling the truth. Gamzee couldn't help it, he got up and went to go hug Karkat tightly, bending down a bit so they can appear the same height, and cried on his shoulder. Of course he still thought of himself as a loser, Gamzee was grateful that at least Karkat appreciated him.

                        "There,there..." Karkat pats Gamzee's back awkwardly as the two of them hug for a few minutes. Until Karkat starts feeling uncomfortable, of course.

                        "Okay, enough hugging. First up to making you change for the better is cleaning this fucking pig stye of  yours. There's garbage literally everywhere, it makes me feel like vomiting! God knows how you managed to live in a pile of shit for like a month, but normal people keep their places clean." Karkat scolded, still disgusted by the mess.

                        "Yeah, yeah. I know." Gamzee says, trying to sound more happier.

                        "I'll help you clean and grocery shop with you. You literally have no food left, just a bunch of Faygo bottles in the fridge! Oh God, you still drink that?"

                        "That shit's too good to give up. It's so motherfucking delicious." says Gamzee, grabbing a bottle for himself to drink.

                        "Have you been living off of that shit? Oh, who cares, we gotta start cleaning now." Karkat looks inside the kitchen cabinets for some garbage bags.

                        "Yo, Karkat...?" began Gamzee, looking at Karkat searching for the bags from across the room.

                        "What?"

                        "Thank you." says Gamzee in his usual, calm, gentle voice.

                        Karkat smiles to himself, glad he could help his friend get through this situation and will continue to help him. He grabs out two garbage bags and Gamzee grabs a broom, and the two of them clean the whole apartment up.